Saturday's Sarcastic Soapbox

I survived.

And sometimes that is hard to do.

Birthdays can be a real bitch.

Especially when friends buy you 

'birthday shots!'

Um...

Mixing alcohol never works for me...

And that is why at this very moment...

The guys with spiky helmets

and pointy shoes

are running all around my stomach.

And I won't even describe my head...

Mostly because I fucking can't.

And huge THANKS to all of you

who wished me a Happy Birthday!

So sweet. So kind.

And it honestly made my day

so much better!

Thank You. Thank You.

A couple of things.

Yes.

They are in NYC!

So surprised!

OK, I'm not.

Truly if you just think logically...

It all works out.

But there you go.

Rob, Kristen and the beloved TomStu

all landing safe and sound.

AND LET THE CLINGING BEGIN!

Lots and lots of clinging, folks.

Tons.

The clingy clinging Cling-ons

can't fucking let go.

They can't.

They won't.

TomStu is adorable, isn't he?

I love how he's such a great friend to Robert.

LOVE it.

Oh...

And the yellow bag that Rob is carrying?

Supposedly its Kristen's!!

OH MY!

So...

The Hatey Clingys can't stand that!

NO NO NO

He can't be carrying her bag!

He mustn't!

Is it so bad that Rob is a gentleman??

JFC.

Oh and the Hatey Cling-ons

just cannot stand that Kristen is in fact...

In NYC with Rob.

HOW DARE SHE!!!

WHY MUST SHE RUIN REMEMBER ME????

Um.

If you were with Robert Pattinson...

and had the chance to like..

fucking BE with him as much as possible...

YOU FUCKING WOULD.

Period.

The End.

Is this the real life, is this just fantasy
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality 
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see 

Yeah.
Open your eyes and SEE.
Sorry.
I know it's just my opinion.
Yada Yada Yada.
But let's try and look at this
Rationally. (is that even possible??) 

1. Kristen has now flown to England
Twice in as many months.
Both times she was pictured with Robert.

They hung out.

Pubs. Concerts.

Where do you think she slept at night??  

2. Robert and Kristen have flown to 
NYC together.
Now...
I know some will say that they are 
just sharing a plane...
or some nonsense...

But.

COME ON.

She doesn't HAVE to stay in NYC!
She's there...
BECAUSE OF ROBERT.
He only has a few days in the States
before I'm sure he has to go back to London
and continue filming Bel Ami...
SO.
They are spending this time 
TOGETHER.
Again.
  

3. It's NOT coincidence.
It's not happenstance.
They are together
Because they want to be!

 4. And oh yeah...
even when the clingers begrudgingly
admit that maybe this 'miserable' couple
are possibly dating....
They have to pepper it with

"It won't last." 

(How long has it already been??) 

Is this the real life, is this just fantasy
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality 
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see 

Bye for now.