Day 33- Vanity Fair and Robert

*deep breath*
I'm not sure I will be coherent enough
to write anything today.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I can't stop myself from staring at Rob.
Why do these pictures make me want to cry?
Tears of absolute JOY!
How can this keep happening?
There are so many VF pics...
I only put up a few.
I can only handle so much, you know?

I suppose I should address the VF article.
I was disappointed.
Mostly because I read most of the quotes... before.
THIS is the big deal reveal?
Really?
OK.
Like I have so often said...
I take every written word with a grain of salt.
The good, the bad and the indifferent.
Even ones that I would love to believe...
I kinda have to shrug and move along.

This is what *I* know.
When Rob was done shooting in NYC
and got back to LA...
Who was the first person he went to?
Anyone?
Bueller?
It was Kristen.
He spent the days leading up to going
back to Vancouver...
With Kristen.
He wasn't forced to.
He WANTED to.
And throughout the whole Eclipse shoot...
Who was in Rob's company...
again and again?
Anyone?
Yeah... it was Kristen.
They were always together.
Always.
Together.
And until Kristen flew to Brazil
and Rob flew to Japan...
They were together.
So.
I can only conclude...
That they like being with each other.
The depths of their relationship
belong to them...
But its pretty clear to me...
That there IS a relationship.
You don't spend all your time
with someone...
that you don't want to be with.
And it's pretty clear to me...
That Rob and Kristen
want to be together.

(Actions speak louder than Words)

My head hurts.
My stomach hurts.
My heart hurts.
I'm just a big ol walking pile of pain.

You might wonder why I keep torturing myself with Robert...
if all he seems to invoke is endless suffering.
Well.
Addiction is all about the torture.
I'm always wondering where I'm going to get my
next hit of Robert.
And when I get my fix?
I fucking overdose on it.
I keep getting hit again and again...
And I take it.
I love it.
I welcome it.
Sweet, sweet agony of Robert Pattinson.
Hit me again, baby.
I can take it.

I'm going to stop now.
I'm like...
clenching my jaw looking at these pictures.
That can't be good.
Yeah... like staring at these pictures
is healthy?
I have to close my eyes...
and count to 10...
Deep breaths.
The only problem with that?
All I see when I close my eyes...
is Robert.

I'm doomed.

Bye for now.