Rob and Kristen- True Lies

Unwashed hair. Check. Suspenders. Check. Open toe slippers? Check. Cig. Check. Sunglasses. Check.

I never give them hell. I just give them the truth, and they think it is hell.
-- Harry S. Truman

 TRUE-  I love Robert Pattinson. No, I'm not IN love with him...

But I find myself loving him.

How did this happen?

What is it about him that makes him so different from the

hundreds of other gorgeous celebrities out there?

Well...

If you read my blog... you already know.

I don't need to go into his many adorable charms.

And his awe inspiring 'kill me now' good looks.

LIES-  Robert Pattinson is a chump and a pussy.

He has no control over his life or his career.

He goes merrily along with this mysterious conspiracy

to promote some movies and let others tell him who he MUST be seen with.

He has no say in how he spends his free time.

Or with whom he chooses to spend it with.

See? I can smolder at the camera, too!

TRUE-  I love and adore Kristen Stewart.

No, I'm no IN love with her, either.

But I care about her and feel very protective over her.

No, she doesn't need my protection...

But I can't help but put it out there.

Kristen is honest and real

and yes, a bit awkward.

All part of her charms.

She is devastatingly beautiful.

Robert fell in love... at first sight.

LIES-  Kristen whines and complains about her fans.

Kristen doesn't really like Robert.

Kristen has no friends and clings to Rob.

Kristen is a lesbian.

The invite was addressed to "Kristen and Robert Pattinson"

TRUE-  Robert and Kristen are always together.

They go to weddings (see above) as a couple

They hang out on each others movie sets.

They vacation together.

They go to concerts together.

They go out to dinner together.

They spend holidays with each other and their families.

Together.

LIES-  Rob and Kristen look miserable together.

There are NEVER any pictures of them looking like a couple!

They are forced by their contracts to hang out all the time.

Even when they don't have anything to promote...

It's PR!!!

You can put your hand on my thigh ANYTIME! Oh wait, you already do!

TRUE-  If Rob and/or Kristen showed up with anyone else

as much as they do each other...

There would be NO fucking question they are together.

People always scream for PROOF that they are together...

I say this...

Give me PROOF that they aren't.

Show me pictures of Rob (recent pictures, mind you)

Hanging around with ANYone else as much as he is with Kristen.

Show me pictures of Kristen with anyone else as much as she is with Rob.

Show me pictures of Rob kissing someone else on the streets of Montreal...

Or nuzzling some other girl on her movie set...

Show me pictures of Kristen and some other guy walking into a hotel,

or sharing a balcony...

Show me pictures of Rob and his family at Christmas...

With some other girl that's NOT Kristen.

 

LIES-  Rob feels sorry for Kristen.

Rob's parents hate Kristen.

Rob's dad was talking about Kristen in his text to Rob.

The "BritPack" doesn't like hanging out with Kristen.

JFC. What am I supposed to say here? He takes my breath away...

TRUE-  Robert and Kristen are working on Breaking Dawn.

It's been said that they won't get out of Baton Rouge until the 23rd.

Kristen hasn't been seen since they got back to BR after Rio.

She is flying so low under the radar right now...

There have been 'sightings' on Twitter

of both her and Robert...

Everytime there is a "Robsten" drought...

The inevitable break up rumors fly.

Just because you don't see them together...

Doesn't mean they aren't.

LIES-  There is tension on the set with Rob and Kristen.

Rob is sick of Kristen and can't wait to get away from her.

Kristen is an ego maniac who tells directors how to do their jobs.

Kristen's "People" leaked the Christmas picture.

Rob is pissed about the Christmas picture and has had enough!

There is a 'morality' clause in Kristen's contract that prevents her

from coming out of the 'closet'.

(Oh dear... that one really makes me laugh out loud)

Can he GET any closer? Not much...

TRUE-  I have NEVER claimed to be an 'insider'.

And I most definitely don't post things on my blog to 

irritate 'believers' of Robert and Kristen.

Does that even make sense? Why would I want to do that?

Yes. I bring out the 10 foot pole to poke the foaming Hyenas...

But I'm kinda bitchy that way... and it's so damn EASY

(And ever so much fun)

Do people tell me things?

Yep.

Do I post about it on my blog?

Nope.

If I did... do you think they would keep telling me things?

Exactly.

I'm actually quite good at keeping secrets.

Incredibly trustworthy.

So if I sound cryptic...

It's not a slap in the face.

It's me being a friend.

Besides...

It's really not that hard to figure out.

Seek... and you shall find.

It's really that simple.

LIES-  Every word I write is some kind of clue

to some sort of super secret society.

I purposely write things to piss people off

(Only if you foam at the mouth.)

I have said all sorts of things that have never come true

(I have? When?)

I pay people to kiss my 'arse'

(bwahahahaha)

I only send Robsten Decoder Rings to select people.

(OK, that one is true.)

Rumpled, tousled, wrinkled, probably smelling of beer and cigarettes. *SIGH*

 Rob and Kristen will be going somewhere for the holidays.

 

Will Kristen and Rob go to L.A. and then on to London together?

Will Kristen go to L.A. and Rob to London?

Will Rob get back to London in time for Christmas 

or will it keep snowing and closing the airport?

Will Rob's parents come to the States for Christmas?

So much chatter.

Look.

The important thing here is this...

1. Rob and Kristen have a safe and happy holiday.

They get to share it with family and friends

(and each other)

2. It doesn't matter where they go...

Or where they don't go.

Safe.

Happy.

Is what matters.

3. No matter where it starts...

It will end up with them being together.

As always.

4. I was watching 'Murder by Numbers" with Sandra Bullock

and *sigh* Ryan Gosling (who I might be a wee bit intoxicated with)

And Sandra's character plays a decidedly unfeminine cop who is called...

Wait for it...

"The Hyena"

Cassie: Do you know why they call me the hyena?
Sam: No, why do they?
Cassie: Female hyenas have a kind of mock penis. You figure it out.
Sam: Does that bother you?
Cassie: No, I just wear loose-fitting slacks, it's really not a problem. 

 

So I looked it up.

It's true.

Fascinating.

Heh.

This post is brought to you by the letters *S* and *G*

I miss Syd, Smitty and Gruff.

Yes, we still chat...

But I miss your witty banter in the comments.

Ho.

Ho.

Ho.

Bye for now

;)